I walked along this frosty boardwalk by the lake tonight, under a beautiful full Autumn moon and felt inspired to write this
I think there’s a misconception about becoming our “best selves”. Ive always thought of my best self as someone in the distant future, who attains all of her goals, dreams and wishes. Someone who is at her healthiest- emotionally and physically. Financially secure, a white picket fence, a family. But what is this saying about who I am right now?
Over idealizing our best selves discredits the person we currently identify as; a person who is equally deserving of love, recognition and appreciation for where we’ve been, where we are and where we plan on going.
If all that ever exists is this moment, then really, your best self only exists in your conscious choice of positive behaviours and thought processes that enrich your life and the lives of others moment to moment.
Although it’s admirable and necessary to create visions and action plans for ourselves and our future, I think we need to reframe the way we think about our “best selves”. There is a lot of beauty in the process of creation, and although becoming your vision is absolutely attainable and worth working for- we should still take time to express gratitude and love for ourselves, our journey and where we are in the now.
All of your mistakes, successes, lessons and heart aches have shaped you and have led you here. Just because your life isn’t perfect or ideal, doesn’t mean you can’t be the best you, today for yourself and others.
Don’t live your life waiting for an end point to give permission to celebrate yourself xx
It’s easy for people to love you for your bubbly, outgoing or sweet side- or the side of you that’s genuinely happy, kind or giving. I feel like in a world of filters and highlight reels, we project idealized versions of ourselves and that becomes the “standard” persona that people expect you to be. But we are all human, and we cannot know light without dark- otherwise we would essentially stagnate our growth. At the end of the day if someone can’t accept the worst of you- they don’t deserve the best of you. Are you really even accepted by others without someone seeing your dark side? I don’t believe so. Because no one is “good” or “bad”. We are all whole, made up of both qualities and there is nothing one person “is” without you being as well. What you see in others also exist in yourself. The people I cherish and admire the most in life are those who can openly express vulnerability in their emotions and faults because in today’s world I truly feel that softness is an under utilized strength and tool. I’d rather have an authentic life over a perfected one any day and sometimes that means embracing and working through and acknowledging your messy, uncomfortable, dark qualities just as much as the positive ones we generally focus on ✨
I had a bad couple of days so my friend
suggested I wake up early and catch the sunrise by the lake. I’m so glad I did! I realized there are so many amazing things to be grateful for in life. I think in some way we all subconsciously aim for perfection on some level, so we zero in on our flaws or the negative aspects of life without truly appreciating the positives. One of the hardest things I’ve had to overcome was not constantly living in a shell of my own doubts, worries and fears. It made for a very lonely and fearful life, especially in my earlier years and young adulthood. Actually living your life means you’re going to make mistakes along the way, and give people chances who don’t deserve it, despite your better judgement. Beating yourself up for taking steps forward in a direction that scares you is never something to feel bad about. That’s something to be proud of. The strongest mindset you can adopt is remembering that your worth is not based on others opinions. A lesson that has taken me years to realize. As long as you are being kind to others, appreciating your circle, and finding things to smile about (and making others smile)- you’ll always have a beautiful life. And no one can take that away. And if you have a bad day- that’s okay because the bad days only make you appreciate the goodness in life even more. There’s nothing a sunrise, sunset, gratitude and a good heart to heart can’t fix in life and I truly believe that. Life is what you make it- see everyone and everything as a lesson and you’ll always win🌼 #Mindset #Gratefulness #AppreciateLife #ValueYourself #BeKind
Between the book I’m currently reading, Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss, and a clip I found of Will Smith…. I’ve managed to make sense of a self destructive pattern I sometimes (and by sometimes I mean, basically religiously) experience.
Will smith said something along the lines of… sometimes when he feels truly at peace, he will suddenly feel boredom. And so to ail that boredom, he has an impulse to turn on the news. But he HATES the news because it is aggravating to him. So why the impulse? Why does he have the impulse to instantly WANT to watch something he knows he doesn’t like? Why does he WANT to experience something that’s out of alignment with who he feels he is. I really identified with this because I feel that we all partake in this behaviour. Maybe it’s not the news for some. Maybe it’s going out for drinks or watching tv, leading someone on when you don’t have a serious interest, mindlessly scrolling through Facebook or creating an endless stream of Snapchat stories (um- guilty).
The point is… He realized that when he reaches for the remote to watch the news, knowing that he hates it, what he’s actually doing is inviting disruption to the peace he has created and is experiencing. Inner peace is such an uncommon, foreign feeling that we knowingly (or unknowingly) reach out to things that cause discomfort in our lives because it is a familiar distraction. We are biologically programmed to want to survive- so that explains why comfort zones are so safe and important to us. Unfortunately, the comfort zones we have created for ourselves or were born into may not have been the healthiest. So even though we KNOW it’s bad for us… we can justify settling for it because “hey, we’ve survived this far right?”.
He said we need to “cultivate an acquired taste for peace”. Wow.
Those words were so powerful to me because I often find myself in the shittiest of situations RIGHT AFTER I’m in a state of peace. And I’m realizing now that this is because I (my ego) *thinks* I can only take so much of peace before I need to experience a more familiar state of being.
I think the feeling of being in a crisis, turmoil, fear, heartbreak, disappointment or shame have become more common on both an individual and collective level and it’s almost like our reset point or default that we feel we need to always revisit when things are finally peaceful.
For me, I’ve realized that when I step out of alignment with who I know I am, aside from the fact that it feels shitty- I’m also providing myself an opportunity to test my survival skills. In a super fucked up, backwards way… I somehow justify gambling peace for an opportunity to become my very own lab rat at my own risk. And while I’m all about analyzing your path and decisions to see the “lesson” to work on your spiritual evolvement… as I get older I’m realizing that it’s absolute BS that anyone should ever feel they NEED to be untrue to themselves just for the opportunity to put themselves back together so they can feel whole again.
So I guess what I’m saying is, I’ve realized that sometimes self destruction doesn’t happen because people hate themselves or don’t give a shit. Maybe they do care. Maybe they care too much about everyone and everything. Maybe these people have gotten so good at picking up broken pieces that it has become their sense of familiar accomplishment. Ironically enough, self destruction is just a reminder for these people, that they are indestructible. Because every time… they survive.
In the book I’m reading, Sacred Contracts, a paragraph reads “a strong sense of self can sense when it is going in the right direction and when it is knocking on the wrong door. When you know yourself, you know exactly when you are not being true to yourself”.
Examining your patterns and trying to understand your good and bad choices with a sense of compassion is so crucial. I honestly feel like that is the entire point of life. I’m not “pro self destruction”- if anything I don’t think it is in any way healthy. But I more so just wanted to bring a fresh perspective to the table as to why someone may be subconsciously participating in that behaviour as I was or sometimes do.
At the end of the day I do feel that we are operating in ways that helps us cope and survive to the best of our abilities but that doesn’t mean what we’re doing isn’t hurting ourselves or those around us. So I’m going to challenge myself to really sit with the feeling of peace the next time I feel it instead of thinking it’s “boredom” and acting impulsively, brushing it off, or inviting any kind of disruption that Will spoke about and I challenge you to join me!
That’s all for now