Rise and Shine: starting my day with gratitude and a 5am sunrise

I had a bad couple of days so my friend

suggested I wake up early and catch the sunrise by the lake. I’m so glad I did! I realized there are so many amazing things to be grateful for in life. I think in some way we all subconsciously aim for perfection on some level, so we zero in on our flaws or the negative aspects of life without truly appreciating the positives. One of the hardest things I’ve had to overcome was not constantly living in a shell of my own doubts, worries and fears. It made for a very lonely and fearful life, especially in my earlier years and young adulthood. Actually living your life means you’re going to make mistakes along the way, and give people chances who don’t deserve it, despite your better judgement. Beating yourself up for taking steps forward in a direction that scares you is never something to feel bad about. That’s something to be proud of. The strongest mindset you can adopt is remembering that your worth is not based on others opinions. A lesson that has taken me years to realize. As long as you are being kind to others, appreciating your circle, and finding things to smile about (and making others smile)- you’ll always have a beautiful life. And no one can take that away. And if you have a bad day- that’s okay because the bad days only make you appreciate the goodness in life even more. There’s nothing a sunrise, sunset, gratitude and a good heart to heart can’t fix in life and I truly believe that. Life is what you make it- see everyone and everything as a lesson and you’ll always win🌼 #Mindset #Gratefulness #AppreciateLife #ValueYourself #BeKind


Inner Peace Vs Self Destruction

Between the book I’m currently reading, Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss, and a clip I found of Will Smith…. I’ve managed to make sense of a self destructive pattern I sometimes (and by sometimes I mean, basically religiously) experience.

Will smith said something along the lines of… sometimes when he feels truly at peace, he will suddenly feel boredom. And so to ail that boredom, he has an impulse to turn on the news. But he HATES the news because it is aggravating to him. So why the impulse? Why does he have the impulse to instantly WANT to watch something he knows he doesn’t like? Why does he WANT to experience something that’s out of alignment with who he feels he is. I really identified with this because I feel that we all partake in this behaviour. Maybe it’s not the news for some. Maybe it’s going out for drinks or watching tv, leading someone on when you don’t have a serious interest, mindlessly scrolling through Facebook or creating an endless stream of Snapchat stories (um- guilty).

The point is… He realized that when he reaches for the remote to watch the news, knowing that he hates it, what he’s actually doing is inviting disruption to the peace he has created and is experiencing. Inner peace is such an uncommon, foreign feeling that we knowingly (or unknowingly) reach out to things that cause discomfort in our lives because it is a familiar distraction. We are biologically programmed to want to survive- so that explains why comfort zones are so safe and important to us. Unfortunately, the comfort zones we have created for ourselves or were born into may not have been the healthiest. So even though we KNOW it’s bad for us… we can justify settling for it because “hey, we’ve survived this far right?”.

He said we need to “cultivate an acquired taste for peace”. Wow.

Those words were so powerful to me because I often find myself in the shittiest of situations RIGHT AFTER I’m in a state of peace. And I’m realizing now that this is because I (my ego) *thinks* I can only take so much of peace before I need to experience a more familiar state of being.

I think the feeling of being in a crisis, turmoil, fear, heartbreak, disappointment or shame have become more common on both an individual and collective level and it’s almost like our reset point or default that we feel we need to always revisit when things are finally peaceful.

For me, I’ve realized that when I step out of alignment with who I know I am, aside from the fact that it feels shitty- I’m also providing myself an opportunity to test my survival skills. In a super fucked up, backwards way… I somehow justify gambling peace for an opportunity to become my very own lab rat at my own risk. And while I’m all about analyzing your path and decisions to see the “lesson” to work on your spiritual evolvement… as I get older I’m realizing that it’s absolute BS that anyone should ever feel they NEED to be untrue to themselves just for the opportunity to put themselves back together so they can feel whole again.

So I guess what I’m saying is, I’ve realized that sometimes self destruction doesn’t happen because people hate themselves or don’t give a shit. Maybe they do care. Maybe they care too much about everyone and everything. Maybe these people have gotten so good at picking up broken pieces that it has become their sense of familiar accomplishment. Ironically enough, self destruction is just a reminder for these people, that they are indestructible. Because every time… they survive.

In the book I’m reading, Sacred Contracts, a paragraph reads “a strong sense of self can sense when it is going in the right direction and when it is knocking on the wrong door. When you know yourself, you know exactly when you are not being true to yourself”.

Examining your patterns and trying to understand your good and bad choices with a sense of compassion is so crucial. I honestly feel like that is the entire point of life. I’m not “pro self destruction”- if anything I don’t think it is in any way healthy. But I more so just wanted to bring a fresh perspective to the table as to why someone may be subconsciously participating in that behaviour as I was or sometimes do.

At the end of the day I do feel that we are operating in ways that helps us cope and survive to the best of our abilities but that doesn’t mean what we’re doing isn’t hurting ourselves or those around us. So I’m going to challenge myself to really sit with the feeling of peace the next time I feel it instead of thinking it’s “boredom” and acting impulsively, brushing it off, or inviting any kind of disruption that Will spoke about and I challenge you to join me!

That’s all for now


Last morning waking up to 2017✨

I’ve always loved NYE (even more than Christmas) and not because of the sparkles or champagne- It’s usually my most introspective day of the year. I really look back on the people, lessons, themes and try to understand where I’m being guided and where I’ve been misleading myself. Im going to start my day with spinach and eggs for breakfast, a hot lemon tea, bubble bath and heavy journaling 💕

I don’t know why things happen the way they do or why some years seem easier than others. But I do know that there’s no room for growth in comfort zones. Sometimes the moments, days and weeks that feel the most uncomfortable are the moments, days and weeks we are being transformed into the best versions of ourselves- because time after time, we survive and get through the unimaginable. Forcing ourselves to face life with optimism, remain open to change, humble to the present moment, and grateful for the people in our lives who see us through all of our challenges. I sincerely hope everyone has an amazing 2018 and that your wildest hopes for your future come true.

Happy New Year ❤️✨

Dreams, Premonitions & That Place Between Sleep and Awake.

It seems as though dreams are all or nothing. Some mornings, I can’t remember a thing that I dreamt about – other mornings, I remember the smallest details and my body feels extremely tired out (physically sore!) regardless of how long I’ve slept. Over the years I’ve had very weird experiences with dreams. I’ve had three lucid dreams (however most I usually wake up as soon as I realize I’m lucid! It’s like experiencing “writers block” but for me it was “dreamers block”- once I realized I was creating, I suddenly couldn’t come up with anything!). I’ve woken up to “sounds” – this one is definitely weird to talk about. A few times I could hear a voice, repeating words I didn’t understand over and over but it was very soothing- and it carried me from dream state to awake so that one I have no explanation for (anyone have any ideas I’m open to hear it!). Ive experienced sleep paralysis most commonly, which is usually very scary. I’ll save that for a separate post. I’ve also experienced a few premonitions which I want to focus on today. Usually I dream of people if they are thinking of me. I once messaged an ex boyfriend after 2 whole years of not talking – at all. I was dreaming of him for two weeks solid- every night. I decided to break my rule and send him a message because I took it as a sign. Turns out… he had booked a trip to my city for a family event and had been heavily debating reaching out to me. I never told him about those dreams, or anyone really. But because all of this is such a big part of who I am, I really do want to share more with open minded people and hopefully learn more and connect with others who experience similar experiences.

SO with that being said- I have something exciting to share. I experienced my first “premonition” dream in what seems like forever. Last night I had a series of very intense dreams. At one particular part, I noticed I had sharp, small pieces of glass and clear quartz in my hands. They were like different sized slivers and painful to touch and remove. I would take them out (sometimes drawing blood-ouch) but then they would reappear throughout my dream. I kept being very careful with my hands throughout the rest of my dreams and was consciously aware to “be gentle to avoid further pain”. Anyways here’s the weird part. This morning, I was showering in my hotel room. This was a fancy waterfall shower with… a sliding ….glass door. After I finished, I opened the door and it completely fell of the hinge- I managed to hang on to it but with my sprained pinky I felt very weak! I tried to lift it back into place, but the glass was soaked from the water and small slivers of glass chipped away from the door. (if you can imagine what raw selenite looks like- this is what I saw but glass).

I instantly thought back to my dream and knew to move veryyyy carefully and to not aggressively handle the door because I will likely cause further damage and get glass stuck in my hands. I really feel like my dream was a warning and things could have been much worse.

Here’s a little pictograph I found about clear quartzI truly believe that whatever we pay attention to, acknowledge and give thanks to in life is what will amplify in the world around us. So I wanted to share and give thanks to the universe for these little messages and symbols because theres nothing I love more than serendipity and validating moments of intuition.

2017: The Grand Finale

With 2017 coming to a close, Ive really been reflecting on how my year has been – cherishing the highs and grateful for the lows because they brought lessons to my attention. I can’t help but always want to better myself: spiritually, mentally, emotionally. So naturally, I’ve been zeroing in on where I can make positive changes in my life during this time.

The past month- I have felt just about every emotion a person could feel. The excitement of purchasing my first car, the independence of my new condo, the butterflies of a new interest. Those were my good feelings. I also felt a lot of anxiety, sadness and anger when i had to unexpectedly evacuate my place. The tail end of December I’ve been really thinking about why the universe presents us things only to take them away. And why all at once. What’s the message? When I’m still, and ask myself this… this is what I feel: The universe (I think) is doing a few things:

Testing our faith. Happiness is not an end point or goal- it is a state, a mindset and something that (just like any emotion) comes and goes. We have to trust the process, trust the path and trust ourselves. Sometimes bad things happen so we are reminded that nothing is permanent. This thought gives us a better appreciation for the good things when they do happen for us. Sometimes bad things happen so that we look to God, the universe and deep within ourselves. You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only option.

Testing our response. Feeling positive emotions is obviously a great feeling- and I’m sure most people prefer feeling happy over feeling sad. But there really is a gift to our negative thoughts and experiences. Think of all of the tortured artists who took their pain and created it into something beautiful. They made a shift. They changed their perspectives and they channelled energy into creating something new. They responded mindfully. We have to take our negative experiences and really look for the silver lining. And if you can’t see one- trust that one day you will. Life has a weird way of only making sense looking backwards. Hindsight is 20/20. We can only practice our responses to negativity when we are experiencing it. So really understand that during the absolute worst times of your life- that is when you have the greatest opportunity to make the shift. And that, as painful as it may feel, is a gift.

I’ve been processing so much energetically lately. So much frustration within myself not to mention the collective- it seems like everyone is going through a lot right now which I definitely feel. It’s like the universe was throwing me a 2017 grand finale test to see how badly I am willing to fight for what I want in life, to always come back swinging, and always keep my faith in the universe, energy and love. I was given the opportunity to practice what I preach. I’ve also been given the opportunity to really recognize and be grateful for the people in my life who always show up, support and encourage me. I also became very aware of my self destructive habits which I am immediately addressing. I’ll post more on that when I’m out of this haze because it’s important.

All of this is so much easier said than done, and believe me I’m still working on “appreciating” the past couple of weeks (I mean, even my phone shattered and I sprained my little pinky!). But that’s okay- we are all works in progress, living and learning the best we can. I hope whoever reads this finds comfort in knowing that your emotions are valid and you are worthy of discovering the beauty and gifts in all of the mysterious events that occur around you- the good and the bad. Sometimes life chips away at us only to sculpt us into the absolute best version of ourselves possible.

Here’s to recognizing beauty and breakthroughs during the breakdown in 2018.